Working Mother

I recently read an article Moms: Making Working Outside The Home Worth It--7 Ways To Do It on my favorite financial blog site And Then We Saved.  (This site is how it all started with the idea to do our own Family Financial Fasting--click here to see how our journey started.)  A lot of "working mother" articles stereotypically assume that working mothers "have" to work, and give the impression that every female in America who has borne children longs to stay home if given the choice.  I'm here to say:  this is not the case for all of us.

This particular article about working mothers kind of struck me as a "this is my life" snapshot.  I've never really thought of our family structure....me working full-time, Bryan staying home full-time....as a form of financial fasting.  But in reality, there are a lot of sacrifices we make in our family in order to make it work.  We know that we are still the rare couple--we have met a few stay-home-dads....but not a lot.  But we're essentially no different than a lot of households who have one income and the other parent stays home to focus on child-raising.  We just do it in the opposite roles.

Here's how we've made it work financially:

1.  We have been a one-car family for over six years.  Yes--there are times it's rather inconvenient.  But with a little creativity, and a lot of planning ahead, it can be done. 

2.  With the one-car strategy, comes additional decisions:  when we moved to a new town, we intentionally chose a neighborhood close to my work.  Then we found activities for the kids close to our house.  We do a lot of zig-zag driving back and forth with three kids and a working mom schedule; but everywhere we go is within a three mile circle.  It's just not worth it to have to drive across town--and back, and back again--and spend all that time in the car.

3.  Working relatively close to home (1.5 miles), I go home for lunch every day.  I see a number of my co-workers eating out on a regular basis.  Really?!  Let's say lunch costs $7--that's roughly $160 a month....and $1820 a year!

4.  The article above lists work-related savings:  the office betting pool, weekly happy hour, monthly employee-funded birthday parties.  My office recently did a March Madness pool--this was easy to pass on because I don't really care about sports!  But, I admit it was tempting to "join the club" and be involved with everyone else.....just to throw money away.  I've also discreetly passed on multiple requests for gifts for employees leaving the company, babies being born, surgeries/medical issues, birthdays.....and who knows what else.  If I participated in every one, it could have easily been $100 a month.  (Now some of you might disagree with this strategy--if you're one of the office gift-givers, go right ahead!)

5.  Weekly meal planning:  we make a menu for the entire week, try to use groceries/staples we already have, then make our grocery list according to the meal plan.  If our schedule has a night with busy events, we'll plan a time-bake casserole or a crock-pot meal.  We also try to keep a few homemade freezer meals stored, so if we have a "we don't have time" night, we can pop it into the oven or microwave.  In our pre-financial-fasting past--we had many nights of "I don't feel like cooking, let's go out".....not any more!

6.  As a supervisor, I do dress up somewhat for work--but that doesn't mean spending a lot of money on clothes.  One recent perk from my office is a yearly "Bag Lady Exchange" where we clean out our closets and bring those clothes we no longer want.  Then we all forage through everyone else's bags, and come home with new-to-you clothes.  I recently scored two weeks' worth of new clothes!  I'm also pretty selective when buying anything new--I absolutely refuse dry-clean-only, NO WAY!  And I rarely buy something at full price: 30% off or more is my goal--no 10% sale is worth it in my eyes!

There are lots of reasons mothers work: some out of necessity, some of us choose this lifestyle.  "Working mother" is not for everyone....."stay-home-dad" is not for everyone either.  But as for us....we wouldn't have it any other way.

The (First) Meltdown

If you're just joining this blog, click on the link to find out why we're doing a financial fast.

Today was the first sacrifice that really hit hard--tomorrow we're selling Harvey, our RV, and tonight I had a complete and total meltdown.  (Still having it as a matter of fact!) 

I knew it would be hard, and I knew I would shed a couple of tears, but I hadn't planned on the complete water works that erupted when we brought him home to empty him out.  I cried over the bed I love to "rest" on and read a book in the afternoons.  I cried over the baby blankets in the storage compartment remembering our babies camped in the portable crib.  I cried over the kids' toy closet and the anticipation they have when getting to play with "camping toys".  I cried over the dishes, the pillows, the radio, the coffee pot.....mostly I cried because this was not how it was supposed to be.  We were supposed to grow old in this trailer, long after the kids moved out to sleep in tents of their own.  The memories were a waterfall pounding down on my head, and I suddenly felt suffocated with the weight of this choice we are making.

This choice.  We are choosing to do this.  We are choosing to be obedient to God's desire for our money.  I was suddenly reminded of Jesus in Gethsemane knowing full well that his obedience was going to be very painful.  I felt reassured that even Jesus prayed "Please take this cup of suffering away from me" asking if there was any way to be released from what was about to happen--yet still praying "but I want Your will to be done, not mine."

I do want His will to be done.  I do want to be obedient.  I do believe we will be rewarded for our obedience.  I do believe God has a better plan for us than the life we're living.  But obedience is sometimes hard, and it sometimes hurts.  And sometimes God asks us to stop holding on so tight to things of this world.

I went back and read how our financial fast started, and I reminded myself of the financial gains I wrote about.  Selling the SUV and RV is a win-win-win on multiple levels--no more monthly RV payment, less gas to spend, decreased auto insurance, and less cost for campsites! This will be something we'll immediately benefit from, as well as all year.  Later this month when I don't make that loan payment for the first time in 8 years--I know my grief will be lighter. 

But for now, the water works continue.  Tonight I thank God for my sweet supportive husband, who probably thinks his wife has gone off the deep end.  And I thank Him for some long-distance girlfriends who can cry with me, and help me see the cross and redemption that's waiting behind that RV sale.

I did actually go off the deep end for one brief minute.....I cried over the kleenex boxes at each kid's bed because "the kids had nosebleeds in this trailer boo hoo hoooo".....then I called myself a crazy mother who'd totally lost it.

The Financial Fast

The Plan
Our family is going on a "financial fast" for one year--spending money only on actual necessities, focusing on what we truly need, what we can live without, and how much we can save for what might be around the corner.  We will use this time to be obedient to God's desire for our money management, and to experience spiritual growth--individually, as a couple, as parents, and for our family as a whole.  Hopefully in the process we will be His light to others....even if they think we're crazy.

 

The Reality
Even though I "make good money" we never seem to get control of our monthly spending.  When I look back on our newlywed years, part of me longs for those days of eating out several times a week, coming and going whenever we pleased, and buying gifts for everyone we knew.  Fast-forward 15 years and three kids later--we love our life!  This is truly the life I always wanted.  But in all that time, we've never quite "made it" with our finances.  Year after year after year we barely make our monthly bills, we build up a small savings then have to wipe it out for some unforeseen need, and we constantly dip into our reserve account to keep our checking account from overdraft.  Every year we hold our breath until our tax refund can rescue us--which goes toward paying off debt, trying the savings again, and getting bills caught up.

Every month (twice, actually) when it's bill-time again, my husband knows he probably better stay away from the Wicked Wife of the West. 
I am super-organized with our finances--we have gobs of spreadsheets, budgets, calculations, and categories.  I keep budgeted numbers compared with actual numbers, color-coding where our out-of-budget spending went, what we need to improve on, and what we totally blew it on.  We pray.  We sacrifice.  We cut.  We cry (ok, I do).  We pray more.

It's. Still. Not. Working.

I came across a blog called And Then We Saved which described one person's journey on a spending fast for one year.  Like me, she felt a cycle of guilt and remorse which she finally declared must end.  I couldn't stop reading, and I knew right then that if we were going to be faithful to God with our finances, it had to be dramatic, crazy, long-term, and ALL IN.

The Sacrifices
When I talked to my dear husband, you can imagine he was.....let's just say, less than thrilled.  We had a not-so-fun argument about the constant despair of where-the-heck-does-our-money-go-every-month when we already feel like we've literally cut everything there is to cut.  But, one thing I love about him is that he is a process thinker:  he might get mad at first, but if I give him some space then he comes around.  A few hours later he was 110% on board and already making plans even more dramatic than I had come up with. 

So we made an initial list of all the things we honestly could live without.  Keeping in mind that....it's only one year.  And also reminding ourselves that we have proven over and over that can't do this on our own--we HAVE to do it God's way.  (Why do we always wait until utter desperation before we understand that He truly knows better than we ever could!  Sigh....)  And what a coincidence (um, not!) that right after our little argument, Bryan came across this verse:  "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house.  Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."  Malachi 3:10   Well ok then.  Not much more to think about, is there!

So here's the list of what our year will look like.....telling ourselves it's "short term pain for long term gain."

TO SPEND

• House mortgage--two of them, unfortunately
• Utilities--electricity, water, heat, garbage
• Cell phones--but limiting our plan
• Email and internet
• Groceries
• Gas
• Friday coffee--this is our cheap date....and honestly, it's crucial for us!
• Life insurance
• Money market savings account
• Health insurance
• Tithe (this should probably be first on the list)
• Kids extracurricular activities--one per kid per season

NOT TO SPEND

• Lowe's and Home Depot--unless an actual "need" not a want
• Cable--or at least a very minimal package
• Cell phone "everything" plans (is Facebook really necessary 45 times a day?)
• Costco membership--*insert sad face* but it seems to be a grocery-budget buster for us
• Eating out, movies, dates
• Kid rewards that involve money--such as eating out when they successfully pass their current level.  We'll definitely provide a reward, but it will be focused more on quality time rather than something monetary.
• Pet insurance
• Gifts--attempting to make DIY homemade gifts
• RV payment/sell the camper--this is the most dramatic on our list!  *insert an even sadder face*  But we will still go camping, we will just buck up and sleep in a tent.
• Our current gas-hog car--but it is paid off, so we're planning to do a straight across trade for our SUV and RV in exchange for a more economic car which can still meet our family needs.  We'll see what happens....
• Civil War tickets *insert super really sad face*--we'll be selling them
• Out of town trips--this doesn't mean never, but we will be more closely evaluating the actual cost (including gas) of each potential trip

The Wins
Selling the SUV and RV is a win-win-win on multiple levels--no more monthly RV payment, less gas to spend, decreased auto insurance, and less cost for campsites!  This will be something we'll immediately benefit from, as well as all year.  It sounds silly, but the RV is already one of the hardest sacrifices and I will cry when we sell it!  It's more about the sentimental value--Graeson was only six months old when we bought it, and we knew he'd be 12 by the time we paid it off.  And by that point, we figured the kids would probably rather sleep outside in a tent and we'd have the place to ourselves anyway!  And it has so many fond family memories inside those four walls.  Playing games while waiting out the rain, nap times in the air conditioned trailer, male-bonding at high school camp.....  I know, I know--we'll make new memories.  And we can always buy another (smaller) trailer at the end of our year if we just can't stand tent camping!  But I will need a moment of silence to say goodbye to an old friend.  (We even named him Harvey.)

Cable, cell phone package, and Costco will be an immediate win for our monthly bills.  Our grocery budget is one area we just can't quite reach.  Bryan is WAY better at the grocery budget than I am, and he's already thinking of less-expensive recipes we could easily adapt for our family.  One up-front purchase we will probably make is to invest in a laptop, so we can still watch our favorite shows and movies on the internet.

But of course, the most important gain is the journey our family will be taking.  Together.  The kids are already on board, and coincidentally (or not?) have been learning about Godly money management in Sunday school.  Kaela seems a little hesitant about it all, but ultimately I think her issues are that she just plain doesn't like change.  And the thought of a different car is a little anxiety-provoking for her.  But these are the exact lessons we want to teach our kids--in the context of Biblical teaching and the concept of giving up what we don't need.....and giving it all to God.

Goodbye ball and chain!  We're not even going to miss you.